Bad habits

I will not let you make a bad habit out of me

When you left I was no longer yours,

I was never yours to begin with

and you cannot come and go as you please.

 

I will not let you make a bad habit out of me.

Yet somehow those words seemed to offend you.

Like you somehow felt that I was yours,

till you find another.

 

But my mother did not carry me for nine months,

to be indebted to you

when we ended after two months

something you refuse to

acknowledge unlike my birth.

 

I will not let you make a bad habit out of me

because you see no wrong

and it doesn’t feel right.

I deserve better and I plan to receive the very best.

Pilgrims End

We are souls encapsulated in a decomposing vessel, that is all we are – vessels living on borrowed time. There is one sad fact about life, it holds true that everything must come to an end. our aspirations come to an end once we have fulfilled them, our life on earth comes to an end when we are old and frail and all good things surely come to an end, everything comes with a limit.

Have you noticed the emptiness that feels your heart when human interaction comes to an end, especially when you are in an environment with friends and family for a period of time and when they suddenly have to depart there comes a desire that you and your loved ones could never go separate ways. Separation brings an emptiness and hollowness that cannot be replaced.

We are pilgrims because we are wondering on this path called life which has a set destination, the path may lead to different places and experiences but eventually it draws to end, the older we get the closer we approach our destination. Life is not a parallel line that carries on into the distance never touching, it starts and finishes drastically.

Pilgrims on this earth, coming into contact with others but someday we will break free of this temporal body and there will be no boundary in sight.  The idea of an end is frightening as we do not know what lies beyond the veil of time, no man has drawn back the curtain of time and space to testify of what awaits us on the other end.

The end approaches so unexpectedly.

Our existence hinges on this, there is no absolute certainty of a beginning but there sure is an absolute surety that death awaits. Pilgrims we are on this earth, but we refuse to acknowledge this sad fact.  We are purposeful beings engulfed in a purposeless cosmos, fated to constantly seek objective meaning where we cannot afford to find it late.

We have made a hell in this beautiful creation of ours where we struggle to control our passions, they come and go like a fever in the night.  I guess Sartre right when he stated “nothingness lies coiled in the heart of a being – like a worm”, our passions are exactly that they are coiled up in our heart. The passions constantly ask us to be free before our end is here but we reply with a resounding nothingness.

We will one day stand at the traffic intersection with the concentrated but shifting view of human life on the other side waiting for it to go green to submerge us with all the desires our soul hopes for before its too late.

That intersection is a resemblance of life, as much as we would like to cross to reach the other side we stop for no reason at all. The emptiness that will fill our hearts when we come to realise our existence is the coming to be and passing away.  The truth of life is to avoid arriving at the end of life with all your passions.

Be like Wittgenstein who declared on his death bed “tell them i lived a wonderful life”. This should be a pilgrims end.

Passions come and go but first we must ignite the fire if we are to walk on this road.

@SummerKnight99

– mind battles –

the chronicles of a mind battle that eventually is won!

 

what is happening to me
what happened to the familiar grounds of my mind that once upon a time i’d gladly stroll through

 the field of neural connections made by my brain i would sit and reside where the grass was always green and skies of blue remained the same now grey and the absence of the sun invites clouds of endless rain

looking through i see unfamiliar roots planting themselves. placing their poison strategically browning my lawn of peace. weeds and unwanted growth, birthed from one or two words all those years ago are finally beginning to grow. the earth, turning rotten with thoughts of defeat and a false sense of death causes me to at times believe in freedom but as one stem is destroyed three grow in its place.

what is happening to me?
the hope i had twenty four hours in a day, slowing fading away and has started hiding meanwhile I’m trying to seek it. seek Him. see it, seeing nothing but the field around me, no evil in sight but the spirit lingers like the stench emanating from the rotten dirt.

my own worth in my eyes deteriorating and the truth in my Maker’s eyes i can’t imagine to come to life in me although the death’s purpose was for the chains of insecurity to loose from me, left on the tree of calvary bathed in blood for all to see that the saviour left no deed undone, every lie of the enemy dealt with under the setting sun, the Son’s spirit melting away only to rise on the third day.

never again shall my brain fall victim to the roaring lion, who’s mane is made of discouragement and pain. inflicting loneliness and the broken spirit of Cain, a beast who’s feat is to mentally defeat and destroy my strength in Him. a beast who aims to elevate his untruths above the truest words spoken built to revive my broken bones.

every stick, every stone, thrown by he who so pridefully craved the throne, his heart caused his fall. every scratch that beat down  the wall of security, peace and  sanity in my mind’s sanctuary has been rebuilt. stronger than before, no weapons formed, no arrows shot, no degrading thoughts can remove my tree rooted in and growing in christ.

every weed attempting to choke the Christ in me, the sword of His word will remind me of words spoken over me and the rotten dirt that dares to cover up the truth will forever be washed away, by blood red blood that forever sets me free and puts my mind at ease. the greenery that once grew, uninterrupted will stay evergreen. never changing and everlasting.

– @mitchieer

Posted from WordPress for Android

Panic Attack

Dark swirls above my face

As I struggle to breathe

It descends lower and lower

I am helpless

Screaming silently

I must face the darkness alone

Children of the light are asleep

Out of my own fault my eyes remained open

Now I am forced to fight this alone

My chest pounds

My lips dry

I sigh slowly

My body begins to relax

The blood leaves my face

My temperature drops

I am strangely at peace

as quickly as it comes

it leaves.

Phase 1, panic attack over.

Mortal love

“I loved you long before

I knew you and I will always

love you long after you’ve left.

You came into my life and taught

me valuable lessons and you

also broke me down but you

built something so beautiful

that I am still in awe. I like to

say that I see myself through

your eyes and I see beauty.

I would go to the ends of this

earth for you. I want to nurse

your wounds and heal every pain

that my mortal self possibly can.

My heart will always belong to you

for as long as you need it.

Long phone calls

resulted in me missing the sound

of your voice as soon as it ended.

I used to hate the fact that I didn’t

get to sleep beside you every day.

That comfort from your warm body

made me feel like I could take on

the world and win

(in my dreams at least).

Sleeping beauty,

like a baby

little worries and no fears.

my dear Prince Charming,

my darling Fiona.

My lover and best friend.

And if you no longer love me,

I understand.

Sometimes the best things

aren’t made to last

forever.”

A letter for my lover.

 

 

 

A Letter for my Lover (ALL)

By now I’ve already told you

By now I know you hate me

Well a part of you

You may never look at me

in the same way.

To make matters worse

I tell you “I still love you”

and you breathe deeply.

I wrote this letter for you

not to you because by now

I know my words are like

sharp knives in your side.

Just the other day I was

by your side listening to

your every word

admiring your beauty

months later I still can’t

take it all in.

I still get shy around you,

your perfection both scares

me and makes me want you more.

The passion in your face

as you tell me about your favourite things and the way

you selflessly accommodate me.

I have housed many things in you

including my dreams

The days I thought

you were actively ignoring me

almost broke me.

It took all my strength

to continue.

I felt like a part of me died.

I feel like I will never love

another like you.

My tears confirm this.

I am sad and tired.

Mostly tired.

Sad perhaps.

Let me down slowly.

Leave hints.

I can’t bare you telling

me that you no longer

love me in one day.

Take your time.

Take a week.

Or perhaps after I am long gone.

Your eyes have seen things,

your lips will lever talk about.

In such a short life,

you have aged.

When you smile,

my whole heart lights up.

The way you lovingly,

stroke the side of my face.

When you do finally read this.

I want you to know I’m sorry.

I have always been sorry.

I will always be,

sorry.

 

 

 

 

from us to you –

compliments of the new year! from us, the writers, to you (whomsoever you may be)

we hope you enjoy this piece that we collabed on.

2016 they screamed
“Happy New Year”
I smiled my heart heavy.
New Year same principles and a somewhat new me.
My reflections were far from over and so I continued in deep thought whilst absentmindedly celebrating alongside everyone.
I lost a few friendships and strengthened some more. I fell in love and opened my heart to a new world of possibilities.
Like a young tree planted in a fruitful world I was not yet done growing.

A year of growth. the seeds down from years ago found a home in my soul and so behold, it was time to grow. as though the soul was made soft through endless prayers,in my times of loss God never gave up.
He continued to pave a way now i stand looking back and i wave, having learnt from my mistakes and i look ahead knowing i’m on the edge of something great.

The roots have deepened from years of experience.
They say a tree is not considered by how big it is, rather by how it’s able to endure the storm and brave the tempest.
So with me, I begin this year by planting my roots further into the ground prepared to face whatever obstacle may be thrown at me.
I entered this year with the mindset to overcome and grow.
I wish you all a magnificent year, whatever happens in 2016 remember “even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise”