Pilgrims End

We are souls encapsulated in a decomposing vessel, that is all we are – vessels living on borrowed time. There is one sad fact about life, it holds true that everything must come to an end. our aspirations come to an end once we have fulfilled them, our life on earth comes to an end when we are old and frail and all good things surely come to an end, everything comes with a limit.

Have you noticed the emptiness that feels your heart when human interaction comes to an end, especially when you are in an environment with friends and family for a period of time and when they suddenly have to depart there comes a desire that you and your loved ones could never go separate ways. Separation brings an emptiness and hollowness that cannot be replaced.

We are pilgrims because we are wondering on this path called life which has a set destination, the path may lead to different places and experiences but eventually it draws to end, the older we get the closer we approach our destination. Life is not a parallel line that carries on into the distance never touching, it starts and finishes drastically.

Pilgrims on this earth, coming into contact with others but someday we will break free of this temporal body and there will be no boundary in sight.  The idea of an end is frightening as we do not know what lies beyond the veil of time, no man has drawn back the curtain of time and space to testify of what awaits us on the other end.

The end approaches so unexpectedly.

Our existence hinges on this, there is no absolute certainty of a beginning but there sure is an absolute surety that death awaits. Pilgrims we are on this earth, but we refuse to acknowledge this sad fact.  We are purposeful beings engulfed in a purposeless cosmos, fated to constantly seek objective meaning where we cannot afford to find it late.

We have made a hell in this beautiful creation of ours where we struggle to control our passions, they come and go like a fever in the night.  I guess Sartre right when he stated “nothingness lies coiled in the heart of a being – like a worm”, our passions are exactly that they are coiled up in our heart. The passions constantly ask us to be free before our end is here but we reply with a resounding nothingness.

We will one day stand at the traffic intersection with the concentrated but shifting view of human life on the other side waiting for it to go green to submerge us with all the desires our soul hopes for before its too late.

That intersection is a resemblance of life, as much as we would like to cross to reach the other side we stop for no reason at all. The emptiness that will fill our hearts when we come to realise our existence is the coming to be and passing away.  The truth of life is to avoid arriving at the end of life with all your passions.

Be like Wittgenstein who declared on his death bed “tell them i lived a wonderful life”. This should be a pilgrims end.

Passions come and go but first we must ignite the fire if we are to walk on this road.



– no more –

this piece speaks for itself. not much to say except i hope you enjoy! 

At certain times I feel content with the way things are, I don’t complain about the scars and the passing emotions that at unwanted times collide with my broken heart.

I don’t mind the building anger that I feel because of the pleas, my heart when it begs for you.

You move so independently, freely and so immediately you’ve forgotten as if you’re already forgiven for the pain and the misery you cause. Like you don’t know how often you carry me away in thoughts of surreal reality and your knowledge of how you’re loved by an inner part of me. However you don’t realise that your absence is near enough killing me.

Bringing me to almost tears as I’m wallowing in my mind. My deepest fears I find there, it’s not clear what the cause is but the moments of regret crawl deep into the depths of my brain’s skies.

I find the words to speak my mind but they are not coherent with the troubled content. Simple words fail to describe, depict or revive. The jumbled words stay with no response and remain deviant to my cognitive commands.

Addiction to love, the feeling of. The drug similarities are crystal. I give up trying to sober up. Absorb rather than rehabilitate and cover my addiction, also known as attraction but this is a devotion of the soul to one being, tired of being alone and covered within depression. Engulfed with the burden of keeping in my expression and unconfessed confession.

How many times can I learn one lesson? How much do I have to fight until I’m beaten down? No more feeling, no more love. No more daydreams equals no hurt. No open doors no chance for heart ache, no more battles in my head.

I think I am better off. The me that dances in the sun and revels in thoughts of the one is better of gone. The me that rejoices in vulnerability, unknowingly moving with naivety tied to her tired heart had better move on.

This heart of mine that jumps at the sight of possible love, smiles at the realities that shine in the real world. My heart, forever in pieces that wishes and wonders how. When will it be delicately placed together again?

Broken. Unspoken words stay woven into the intricate pieces that will forever say separated and until that day, buried it will stay.

– @mitchieer

– prodigal daughter – 

but still He loves me anyways. 

It used to be you and me. 

Against the world we fought all the enemies and as I entrusted you will all my adversities you never failed to save me. 
I gave you all I had. I surrendered my plans and all that I had mapped out in my brain, every path that I myself had planned to take I offered it to you in exchange of your peace that told me things would change but for the better. 

I don’t know what happened. I don’t know when I began to change for the worst. Shaping my prayer around my own desires not yours. Developing a mindset that was selfish and needy, complaining about the inequality of the world and at the same time being greedy for your blessings.  

Useless things I wanted to obtain from you. Unknowingly I was telling you what to do and demanding things from you forgetting that you are all powerful which means that I am not worthy to be demanding anything from you for without your grace I would be nothing. 
I realise now you are my everything. With all my heart, I come to you with all reverence and asking your forgiveness. 

You are refuge, my resolve and my fortress. You protect and you fight for me and when I feel worthless you make me feel priceless – you tell me how much you love me and as I begin to live in this, I am whole again. 
Running into you, your open arms engulf me. Your radiant love holds me close and although it was lost for a moment, it’s not long until I’m falling deeper into you and your acceptance covers me as though I never ran. 

– a lost concept – 

love v.2

slightly better and edited version of the valentines poem (do you know of a love that is pure 14/02/15)

might as well be a new poem.

What is love? 

Commonly defined as an intense feeling of deep affection towards another. Symptoms include: loosing all sense of the world surrounding you. Not knowing what to do at the thought of this other as a future lover. 

Another definition states it a deep romantic, sexual attraction. 
See, we are known to delude ourselves of the reality and to forget about the possible consequences. Everything around us tells us that saying ‘I love you’ prematurely won’t erode our emotional purity but those very words create a false sense of security, walls are broken down and due to no protection, we’re left with a regret that lasts for eternity.  
There’s also a belief that we’re immune to temptation because we’re new creations. When we plant attraction in our minds, it causes us to be distracted and then we’re investing time into this attraction without realizing the price we’re paying. 
We live with a man made ideology that justifies taking God out of the equation despite the fact He is the original creator of love. 
It’s this thinking that causes divisions. It’s creating different definitions that sugarcoat sinning into something that tells us that there’s a missing part within us and only acceptance from a man or woman will satisfy it. 
Love is patient and love is kind. It does not become blind to the harsh realities of the world. When we love, pride can worm it’s way into our system and before we know it, it’s all about us. We become oblivious. Although the love of God is so obvious, our own version of love hinders us from his mysterious wonder. 

Let’s be serious.
Without His plans love is dangerous and in the wrong hands; It becomes abused. Emotions become recycled and reused and even the word ‘love’ is misused causing us to lose ourselves due to refusing to make God our refuge. 
Without God a priority, love becomes part of many adversities. It becomes full of unclean strategies that are structured to please ‘the one’ you want to spend all of eternity with. 
It becomes covered with dishonesty, although your mouth speaks sweet nothings your heart is filling with uncertainty because when heart break comes, you’re back to square one looking out for a new candidate to fill the empty cavity. 
You begin questioning your own abilities, your joy placed in one being and their reaction to your feelings. Your world no longer found in who you are but who they see you to be. Changing all the things God loves about you to suit a preference named by your preferred mate. 

You submit to creating scenes in your head, mislead as to what you want. Your desires stem from being close to them and feeling pleasure from their essence and atmosphere. You forget the One who has always been there. Caught up in staring and sharing unspoken moments with the person who is actually making you forget who you are. 
Instead of finding your own identity, you focus on unpicking their souls inside out. Despite the fact God already has this figured, you make it a goal and spend hours trying to devour their inner hearts. 
Once you feel closer to compatibility and they fulfill your desirability by ticking every box on your check list, you start to analyse them. 

Now you want to know how the inside of their brain works, and you’ll happily exchange your own clockworks and the deepest of emotions so you can be closer. 
You start to discover things within them after its too late, you’ve already given yourself away, whether it’s physically or mentally but almost always spiritually you’ve lost all meaning. 

Now you question love. The fact that people are so heartless, the fact they paid less attention to your eyes and more to your thighs or the fact that they lied countless times this only tells us one thing: the actions of humans, whether bad or good, will not portray the complete and true beauty of love. 
This is a world where men have no shame in leading women to believe that they won’t eventually but accidentally contribute to their insecurities. 
This is a world where women themselves happily disregard their values, discarding their worth in order to be seen as valuable by a man. Manipulation causes an emotional exchange of virtues and in return, empty promises.  
This is not what love is. 
Love is not for us to go through heartbreak and then separate from God because we blame him. We scream to the skies, asking Him why he would let our insides die but we must realise that all the ache has been washed away but it will come back and remain if we make the same mistakes. 
God made a sacrifice and through that He shows us love everyday. We are worth more than what the world says. Our aim is to love each other with a love like God’s and to let it stay that way because only then will we know that when love resonates within our souls, there is no need to search elsewhere. 

– @mitchieer

– unattainable unknown- 

We spend our lives wondering why things are the way they are 

We search our hearts looking for the right answer that can give a peace of mind 

Why do people die? Innocent lives are taken away everyday and all we can do to ease the pain is to celebrate their days on this earth. 

That doesn’t take away the hurt though, it doesn’t remove the fact that after birth our days are marked. 

Like a caveman marking on the cold walls the events of his existence, like the old man in jail ticking away in the calendar of his mind until his freedom arrives.

We all have plans, set times to chase dreams and achieve goals. Set timespans for particular tasks that may not come to be 

Where do we we see ourself in the future? Where do we desire to be and where will our aspirations come to life? 

Will we be a success? Will we fail at achieving? Will we be so lost in our missions that nothing else comes close to our hearts? 

Will we spend our fading time on this earth surviving without living? Without a single thought of one to love? 

We plan our lives. Map out the events. The where’s, who’s, what’s and whys but do we anticipate the day we die? 

Do we prepare our burial ceremony, do we prepare our hearts to stop beating? Our family’s tears at the ready? Mourning souls? Broken plans. Suddenly what we thought was important no longer matters 

Our mothers and fathers become mere memories, they become part of reveries as we think back to the times when the earth was alive. 

Let us not dwell too much on the future, it’s not guaranteed. Looking ahead will not free us from the troubles that hold us in the present.

Do not be a time waster, don’t ponder upon things that may never be and be a person of the now. Be a part of the current events for tomorrow is a mere vapour, it can vanish as quickly as it came.

– more of a philosophical piece by yours truly, my colleagues liked it and I hope you will too –  @mitchieer

The 3rd Dimension to a Man

“Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned. But one thing about human beings that puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within.” – Sigmund Freud

The main reason why i’m writing about this is because of a number of reasons: one a lot of people especially females have noticed the stuff i’ve wrote on the blog are emotional poetry and they have commended me. Secondly, its interesting to hear from a female perspective the way they see men display their emotions. Thirdly, its something that needs to be spoken about particularly in a culture and society that seems to reinforce the idea that men displaying their emotions is a sign of weakness, or its a woman’s characteristic to cry and show emotions, thus men are looked down upon by other men when they do so.

The reason why i’ve titled this post – ‘3rd dimension to a man’ is because, i believe humans are composed of 3 substances. The first being our physical body, the second being our spirit and the third our Soul. and the Soul (whether you believe in it or not is your opinion to have) is the most precious and sensitive component to a human, its what drives us, when we feel sad or happy our soul carries the burden and joy, our soul understands our deepest desires and wishes, feels the most pain in a song or the aftermath of a broken heart. Thus, for females or anyone wanting to see a man display their emotions, they first have to touch their soul which will reflect their inward feelings of happiness, sadness or sorrow, or being in love, or utter rage.

The common question that gets raised is “why do guys find it hard to show emotion” and the common answer is “because we do not want to” or “a guy shouldn’t show emotions in public….” First of all, i want you to know what i understand by emotion. The way i understand the phrase “showing emotion” is to see a guy cry, and act in any way that leaves him feeling vulnerable and this is one of the main reasons why guys find it hard to show emotions if we’re taking it by what i understand it to be. Yes we live in a society that is hyper masculine, whereby guys try so hard to maintain this image of being a ‘Tough guy’ who won’t let the slightest thing upset him or wouldn’t dare shed a tear in public for someone they love unless its in private or mourn about the hard times they’re going through to their friends.

You see, I myself do it – why you may ask, well because what do i say to my friend when he questions why i’m crying and i explain myself to him. In that moment of explanation, although he might sympathise with me i know he’ll tell me to ‘man up and keep going forward’. This very illustration is the root of the problem, we – adult men or boys in their teenage-hood or childhood stage have been told from a very young age to repress our feelings at all times, when we get excited about something we are told ‘relax or calm down’ when we cry we are reminded ‘big boys don’t cry’ and these sort of remarks have been ingrained into our subconscious to the extent in which we begin to reprimand ourselves when we act in any way that is ‘Violating’ how a guy should behave.

Guys are exposed to the gym, physical sports, careers such as the military and are expected to have Alpha Male complexes whereby we are confident in ourselves, we can lead and be decisive having no room for compromise. So tell me, how do you expect a man to show emotions when surrounded by such things and ideals?

The very idea of even opening up to someone else is hard, confiding in them to know your ambitions and deepest feels. I personally do not, unless i am 100% sure that i can fully trust them and they would not talk behind my back. I like to maintain the belief that i can deal with everything especially bad things by being quite, and this is mainly with emotions, and i think most guys think this as well. Being silent when you’re upset or when you’re starting to (as we refer to it nowadays) ‘catch feelings for someone’ is the best way from preventing yourself getting hurt. As what often happens is a guy would ‘catch feelings’ for a girl and when they reveal these feelings, theres a possibility the feelings are not reciprocal. If the feelings are not reciprocal and the girl notifies her friends of the guy that tried approaching her than the whole situation becomes embarrassing for the guy. This is part of the reason why us guys find it hard to tell woman how we feel towards them for fear of being rejected and feeling vulnerable.

This is not to say that all guys are afraid of being rejected, there’s an element of trust in play as well, in the sense we expect it to be between ourselves -no more, no less. There’s nothing worse for a guy that has been rejected to be taken the piss out off by other guys or the girl’s friends, and i’m sure that this has happened to every guy at least once in their life time – your friends having ‘banter’ at your incompetence.

The term ‘I Love you’ or ‘I’m sorry’ may be hard for some guys to say and truly mean it. Theres a sense of pride attached to them, if i am to say ‘i’m sorry’ or ‘i love you’ than it means i have realised and acknowledged my errors, or how much you mean to me and this is how i’m going to express my feelings to you by telling you or doing something for you. The 3rd dimension of a man can be hard to unlock, there are some couple’s out there in the world who have been married for so many years that their husbands have to an extent stopped reminding them just how much they love them, or they fail to demonstrate their love and this leads to confusion and unnecessary fights.

Men find it easy to cry when their favourite sports team have won a major game or title, or when they’re laughing but this type of crying is not one that leaves them feeling vulnerable and makes them move inwardly – no this is the cry of joy not sorrow or because of being heart broken and sad because they’ve fallen out with their wives or girlfriend or their close friends. However, a man can cry without feeling shame at the death of a loved one, but this is too late to show such signs of affection thus bringing us back to the question why do guys find it hard to show their emotions?

Some may say because of society’s expectations, but i believe its because theres a profoundness in showing emotions. To show emotions – crying, the feeling of being in love, feeling pain, joy, despair or any mixed emotions leaves one feeling totally lost and consumed by unexplainable thoughts. And when the phase of going through these emotions has gone by, we seem to return to our senses and question our behaviour, whether or not it was rational to speak so emotionally or to behave in such and such a manner. Most of the time we guys laugh at ourselves and say ‘i won’t do that again’. This is because of the feeling that is attached to crying, you’re pouring out and displaying how broken up you are inside and the frustration and anger of not being able to do anything about it is eating you up, and when its too much for you to handle you release it, and there you’ll see a guy who’s soul is broken, feeling pain, sadness and confusion weeping in your sight, and you would not know what to do at such a sight because its so rare and precious to you; but to them its an embarrassing moment because, they’ve allowed themselves to crack when they could have held it in for a bit longer until you’d have left them in private to vent and cry, but now you’ve seen them in their worst of times crying whether of anger or sadness, to them it makes no difference it should not have happened.

I love what Lenny Williams said in his performance of the number one love song “cause i love you” that near enough left me in tears haha. He said:

“now i know y’all have heard that its a sign of weakness for a man to cry, but i don’t believe that for one second ‘cus every time i read the newspaper it tell me women live longer, I think thats ‘cus women let it out and men try to hold it in. i’m telling you brothers if you want to cry and don’t want anyone to see you cry, go outside and cry it’ll let you live a little longer…..”

This is what i understand ‘showing emotions” to be, everyone is able to show their emotions of happiness, joy, peace and blissfulness but not everyone has the privilege of seeing close friends or family members display their more emotional (sensitive) side because that involves a deep trust and understanding to be between them for it to occur. Personally speaking showing my emotional side is something that i find hard to accept to do unless its in front of someone i really trust and confide in, i don’t go about telling people my feelings nor do i try to put myself in the position of making my feelings known to a girl unless i really like them and for me i can only do this based on how i see the person, nothing more. Yes, i write some emotional s**** but thats for when i’m in my feelings and am inspired to do so, i don’t expect anyone to come up to me and say i’m weak for writing emotional stuff because i know where i stand as a guy, and my ability to hold my own does not diminish because i write and reveal that personal side of me.

Thus, in conclusion to this post and a possible answer to the question ‘why do guys find it hard to show their emotions?’ is: you have not yet touched the 3rd dimension – their soul which will be ready to express to you how they feel if you know how to approach them, secondly its based on trust and other elements of feelings that come with showing your emotions. If they don’t trust you, why should they show their emotions to you? if you’re a female learn to be someone a guy can trust and if you’re a guy be someone who will not only support your friend when they’re showing the most hurt regardless of their situation in your eyes, be there as a friend and do not undermine their respect for you in telling you or displaying to you how they feel about something. Showing emotions does have a positive side affect but it can also have a bad side effect too.


Paradox living


Life is a mystery, a paradox
in which we are born into.
That very activity – being born
is not done by our own accord, we do not decide outside space and time
where we exist bodiless, where our very essence could be detected in the form of
energy level and star dust particles floating in harmony with the galaxies
and stars, that we wanted to be created.
In that state, we did not want by our own will to turn into a being – a matter
made up of feelings, flesh and blood along with brittle bones and hallow checks.
No It happened !
for what purpose i do not know – thats for you to figure out.

But like i said life is a paradox,
during the period of our existence, we wallow, groan and complain
of all the misfortunes that befall us and these are many.
They outweigh the memories of our short lived happiness.
Nevertheless, we enjoy the good times, good friends and family members
around us.

And than when we fall on hard times, we feel helpless and even start to curse the day we
were born. We cannot see a solution to our problem, some of us go further to even wish for death
itself – calling it upon its name
“I wish i could DIE NOW”

The irony of it all is
when death does come knocking on your door,
when the clock hands are ticking away
chiming in rhythm, it comes to you just how much you value your life.
How much you’ve not accomplished, how many places you’ve not yet visited.
You begin to plead and attempt to negotiate with death, begging for more time,
“no, not yet, i’m not ready…”
“no, i’ve still not…”

Beg and negotiate all you want,
argue all you want,
but when your cycle of life has come to an end, its time for you to accept
and give place to the soul that is ready to take your place.
The longer you hasten the inevitable, you hold
new life from entering the world.

This is the paradox of life,
no one wished, or had formulated a plan for themselves to come into being.
No one in our non-existent essence could have imagined to live in such a place, vibrant
with colour, occupied by varying creatures and coming into contact with other entities like ourselves
whether of a good or bad spirit.
And no one when the time comes wants to forsake all this,
forsake being human and the struggles and passion that come with it.

For Whilst we are alive we wish to die,
and on our death bed we cry to live for a few years longer.
And this is – what i call the paradox of living.