– no more –

this piece speaks for itself. not much to say except i hope you enjoy! 

At certain times I feel content with the way things are, I don’t complain about the scars and the passing emotions that at unwanted times collide with my broken heart.

I don’t mind the building anger that I feel because of the pleas, my heart when it begs for you.



You move so independently, freely and so immediately you’ve forgotten as if you’re already forgiven for the pain and the misery you cause. Like you don’t know how often you carry me away in thoughts of surreal reality and your knowledge of how you’re loved by an inner part of me. However you don’t realise that your absence is near enough killing me.



Bringing me to almost tears as I’m wallowing in my mind. My deepest fears I find there, it’s not clear what the cause is but the moments of regret crawl deep into the depths of my brain’s skies.



I find the words to speak my mind but they are not coherent with the troubled content. Simple words fail to describe, depict or revive. The jumbled words stay with no response and remain deviant to my cognitive commands.



Addiction to love, the feeling of. The drug similarities are crystal. I give up trying to sober up. Absorb rather than rehabilitate and cover my addiction, also known as attraction but this is a devotion of the soul to one being, tired of being alone and covered within depression. Engulfed with the burden of keeping in my expression and unconfessed confession.



How many times can I learn one lesson? How much do I have to fight until I’m beaten down? No more feeling, no more love. No more daydreams equals no hurt. No open doors no chance for heart ache, no more battles in my head.



I think I am better off. The me that dances in the sun and revels in thoughts of the one is better of gone. The me that rejoices in vulnerability, unknowingly moving with naivety tied to her tired heart had better move on.



This heart of mine that jumps at the sight of possible love, smiles at the realities that shine in the real world. My heart, forever in pieces that wishes and wonders how. When will it be delicately placed together again?



Broken. Unspoken words stay woven into the intricate pieces that will forever say separated and until that day, buried it will stay.

– @mitchieer

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The Suicide Paradox

With recent news of the death of a beloved celebrity. I was moved to write on the subject. Suicide is something most people will deal with in their lifetime. It is not something to be mocked, rather it is wise and humane to show empathy. Hopefully, you take something away from this. Your comments are more than welcome, kindly leave them below. Thank you and stay Blessed.

Please note: Each Stanza is a different voice, they are all different perspectives. The voices intentionally have no names. It can be seen as one person looking at suicide from various angles. It can also be seen as friends, co-workers, strangers even, discussing or merely mentioning what stands out the most to them when it comes to the topic of suicide. Allow your imagination to guide you as you read!


The Suicide Paradox


The suicide paradox.

To live is Christ,

and to die is gain.

But to choose to die,

for any other reason aside from that,

is spiritual suicide and eternal damnation.



I have always had a problem,

with the idea that suicide

is ‘a selfish thing to do’.

Condemnation of an individual,

who felt condemned during life and now in death.

Lack of empathy.



If people would stop

and try to understand how

someone could feel so helpless,

in such a crowded world to the

point that they felt like suicide was their only option.

RIP Sam Sarpong, Robin Williams.



Countless names that will never be forgotten

People still nursing the fresh wounds of pain,

cutting deep in their hearts.

Recalling the first time that they were told

“your loved one is dead”.

Feeling burdened and hurt, thinking that they could have done more.



And maybe, just maybe they could have.

Asking how you are and meaning it.

Is life okay?

Are you okay?

How do you feel?

I think you should relax more.

Hey, do you mind keeping me company?



People have their reasons.

I will forever emphasise this.

There are types of pain that

medication won’t handle.

Situations where the tunnel is

too dark and the person’s mind

is too black to see any lights at the end.



Philosophers have had long

heated debates on the matter.

With no resolution.

It is argued that most if not

every man in his lifetime

has once considered suicide.

The easy, only, difficult, last resort way out.



Mental health care.

Psychologists struggling to nurse their own pains,

whilst desperately trying to help others.

Costs being cut,

not one of them taking into account

the effects on our society.

Overworked staff.



“Attention seeker” they shouted.

“RIP” on Facebook they said the next day.

It seems that

people would rather have regrets concerning the deceased,

than appreciate them whilst they are still living.

Are their names just another tattoo opportunity to you?

Another hashtag? //RIP



The suicide paradox continues

As long as there are unanswered questions

there will be countless stanzas

This piece will never end.

New paragraphs every day.

Different mindsets.



It can hit anyone hard at any time.

That burden on your neck where,

it feels like it is easier,

to take permanent

time off life.

Atlas’ stone.

Dying to die.



And to the ones that are no more.

To the ones that had enough.

My heart is with you.

With your family.

With you all.

I won’t judge you.

God loves you.



The painful truth is that yes

Suicide is not the final answer.

It shouldn’t be.

But for many that is the reality.

And it hurts.

They hurt.

We all hurt.


If you or someone you know is suffering from suicidal thoughts please seek professional help. 


Also be sure to check out these significant pieces of work from these 3 wonderful individuals.

@doctorkanayo on Depression http://doctorkanayo.com/2013/03/18/husband-of-depression/http://doctorkanayo.com/2013/03/18/husband-of-depression/ & http://doctorkanayo.com/2013/07/05/mental-illness-psychological-or-spiritual

@cohgee https://soundcloud.com/michael-olasope/release-therapy & https://poetluo.wordpress.com/2014/11/05/my-implosion-lessons-from-a-dark-season/

@sulibreaks https://youtu.be/Eh55zYW1P0c


If I didn’t publish it today, I probably never would have. Having said that, please excuse any errors (especially grammatical ones, if any). Thank you.

Depression

My mind is a mirror, a reflection known only to me.  A place where i lose my grip on reality, and absurdity reigns within.

My mind is a mirror, a reflection known only to me. A place where i lose my grip on reality, and absurdity reigns within.

“Shh depression doesn’t exist”
Those were the same words I repeated to myself
As I stood gasping for breath,
trying to fight my masked enemy
but the more I tried
the tighter my chest became
closing up against itself.
I felt helpless.

“Depression is said to occur due to an imbalance of chemicals”
I repeated to myself
as the knots in my stomach began to tighten
smaller patterns each time
bringing tears to my eyes
As I allowed myself to dwell on the fact that theory was not reality
and that those who wrote the textbooks hadn’t lived the life that I lived

I was sat in a room full of people
yet I felt alone
My face did not betray the reality of what I was currently experiencing
I usually didn’t cry
but my heart felt like it was drenched in sorrow
perpetual damnation
Again the thought crossed my mind, that:
Academics could sit down all day and write but they would never experience the way it felt to desire death whilst praying for life at the same time

Praying for life because my sun had been overwhelmed by darkness
No sight of hope in myself or those whom I called friends
They would never understand how it felt to deal with such a menacing pursuer
How it felt when the ambiance and crowd had dispersed and all that remained was the small nagging voice inside my head prodding at my tender heart and attacking every aspect of my life
And so it’s funny when people think I’m strong but on the inside I’m crumbling
I’m used to being the rock they lean on, but where’s my support?

And it easier said than done when people say “tell me about it, just talk”
IT’S HARD TO SPEAK
How can I say “I’m suffering”, when it’s not something we talk about?
Strong black independent woman that I am
The strong black independent man
We are strong and black and bold
Depression does not exist
We say out loud, whilst we warily eye the clock
waiting to go home and assume foetus position on our beds as we weep
Our loud cries trying to silence those voices

Those tiny consistent voices
My personal nemesis
It makes me despise the philosophical concept of
“I think therefore I am”
Is my existence really necessary?
Why must I think?
The very thing that asserts my humanity destroys me completely…
My thoughts.

I want to stand on the highest mountain and scream and regain my being
I want to go back to how things were before depression overcame me
I want to overcome it
I’m tired
I’m tired of being tired
I want my freedom
“FREE ME!”
I shout, silently whispering the words “please” after

Hoping, praying that my demons take it easy with me
Praying that my shouting didn’t offend them and even if it did
hoping that my guardian angel is finally bold enough to fight on my behalf…
As I regain consciousness I hear the words,
“Why are you here?”
My voice breaking I looked up at her and said
“I tried to overcome depression
I guess I was given a second chance”
She smiled at me and repeated the same words I heard Annalise Keating say on TV last night
Last night when I thought it was too late to puke up the concoction

“I think about it a lot. Killing myself.
I have ever since I was a child.
A lot of times, I think the world would be a much better place without me in it.
But I don’t do it.
You’re a better person than I am.
And if I don’t deserve to die, then you definitely don’t.
I’m sorry you feel alone in your pain, but so do I.
So does everybody. That’s life.”

And you know what?
“That’s life”
Sounds like a better phrase to me than
“depression doesn’t exist”
It’s hard to treat what you refuse to acknowledge
Some days are good
Some days are okay
Some days could be better
Each day I like to think that I grow stronger
And at the end of the day
It’s only ever a bad day not a bad life.

@SummerKnight99 and co-written with a good friend

Be Yourself

Be yourself
It’s the only thing you can be,
Pretence is painful
Honesty is rewarding .

We forget who we are in trying to please the masses
And at the end of the day most of them don’t even have our backs.

Wasted time
Feeling like a wasted life,
The saddest thing is that we’ll only ever meet a few people who care about us
And sometimes we’re too busy looking elsewhere to acknowledge them all.

Life is like a mirror
For a fleeting moment, we see other images in the background which start to blur.
In the end we become focused on our own image losing all knowledge of our surroundings
And it is then that we begin to notice ourselves for who we truly are away from the crowd, the noise, the irrelevant things.

And such is life, everything will eventually blur until your vision becomes focused on you and not the mere distractions in the background.

@SummerKnight99 co-written with a good friend.

Let not your soul and feet wander from its resting place, find solace and strength in the joy of being YOU.

Let not your soul and feet wander from its resting place, find solace and strength in the joy of being YOU.

– easy as ABC –

A love that can not be destroyed more like a 

Beautiful curse placed upon God’s only. 

Christ, who is wholly God gave up his Holy throne to save us 

Death engulfed Him so we were made free

Every sin ever known to man was destroyed in an instant 

Freely, we roam the earth only because of God. 

God. Our Father and our friend. Also our 

Healer and our protector. Although we were the persecutors he told us 

I love you and I will die for you’ 

Just like that, our sinned was wiped away the 

King of kings slain for love. Slain for our sake 

Love knows no depths as this. No measures and no lengths as this. 

Morning came on the third day, expecting a decayed Christ,  we found a risen king.

Nothing in the universe could stop Him from resurrecting and running back to us with 

Open arms and a place by His side for all our days to come 

Putting all our pasts behind us, everything forgotten the instant we rose with Him. We now know our God. 

Quick to love and slow to anger is our precious God. He

Reigns  forever and ready to accept us as our redeemer 

Sin no longer defining us but His love owning us. 

Today He is the same as he was yesterday and will be tomorrow 

Under His grace we’re covered, His love carrying us. 

Vanity, greed, war, hate – all things we were lost in. Now we’re 

Winning because we’ve been graced with a new beginning 

X marks the treasure we were searching for 

You and me. Travelling through life searching for our home and now 

Zion welcomes us, the treasure that is Jesus waits for us there. 

just trying something new here. been meaning to post this for a while but procrastination is an enemy of progress..

enjoy 🙂

@mitchieer

Enjoy The Ride

IMG_3100

The sun’s setting down
times passing by
soon we’ll have to leave
but i want to savour these remaining minutes.

See everyone seems to be in a rush to get to
a certain goal,
why don’t you just slow down and enjoy the ride.

There won’t be another day like this,
the feeling won’t be so familiar again
so why don’t you just slow down and enjoy the ride.

Enjoy looking at the changing colours of the skies,
enjoy having to travel in silence for just a while.
Not every satisfying moment needs to be spoken about.
take it all in, absorb it like a sponge and embed it deep within you.

Life hits you at a thousand miles an hour,
if all you’re doing is rushing and making plans
you’ll end up missing the little good things about life
leaving you with the realisation of how futile all that
running about was for.

See, seize the moment
Don’t worry about what you can’t
sort out or what you can’t understand
Life has a way of sorting itself out sometimes,
but for now enjoy the ride that life takes you on.

Smile, cry, and laugh whenever you get the opportunity
Let your life be like a glass of red wine that needs
continual refilling.

Enjoy the ride, its bitter sweet but worthwhile
slow down and be one with the tide of time and seasons.

@SummerKnight99

Peace

IMG_1498

Birds, flowers and the sun,
these are but the few signs of summer.
The joy of staying late into the night
to catch the stars and moon glisten
casting their light unto a sleepless world.

With loved ones by your side enjoying
the cool wind blowing by,
accompanied by the peaceful slow paced
breathing that is in sync with the tide coming in and out
towards you.

These are the moments you savour for
they leave imprinted footprints in your memory
of how serene life can be.

@SummerKnight99